Maybe I’m selfish and still a spoiled kid.
And maybe all the things I want aren’t important to anyone. Anyone else but me.
I’m just a little bit confused and lost in this funny sadness of mine.
And I’m just really afraid and frustrated with this empty life.
But is it asking too much wanting a friend with whom I can be myself around?
I mean…I’m always pretending a baseless happiness and faking a never honest smile, and I’m getting pretty tired of that.
I want to live around people who can accept and comfort me even if the things I do seem wrong in everyone else’s eyes.
I’m still a baby and don’t really know where I’m going, but I’m just tired of beeing freezed in this darkness.
And this time I’m not asking for anyone’s permission to walk; since the path I’m taking is my own, I’ll be the one who’s deciding to go or not to.
 And I know I wasn’t born with courage, but I’m tired of being afraid, so I think I’ll try to change, since I already learned that I wasn’t made to walk by the rules.
Maybe I’m selfish, but I just want to abandon this selfishness for someone who’s worth it. 
And then I’ll stop walking alone. 

I’m always losing the things that I want. Always. And I learned how to deal with it, on my own way. I just cry alone and do the things I like to distract myself. Everytime something goes wrong, I run.

But can you see? Who I’d like to be running towards to tonight? Can’t you see? It is you. I’d love to have your arms wrapped around me, I’d love to run as far as can and in the end I’d see your eyes, I’d see your open arms, waiting to catch me and to make me forget about all the this that are trying to consume my hopes and strenght.

But honestly, if I could have your arms holding me, what problems could I have?

I just hate myself. I don’t want to sleep, I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts, my incapacity and my lack of strenght.
I grew up, but at the same time I didn’t. At the same time that I was never able to deal with by mistakes by myself, I’ve never had someone by my side helping me, and I had to go all the way alone. And I’m still avoiding to be found. I’m still hiding myself inside of me because I don’t want anyone to see how ugly I am.

 And it’s amazingly funny how I can only think how I’d like to have you by my side right now. Do you know those times when you just  want one single person holding you , telling you that it’s alright to cry and to be weak, and still loving you even if you can’t just stand on your feet? That’s how I need you right now.

Yes, I am pathetic. Yes, I am alone.

But nothing will change the fact that I’m still longing for your arms around me as my life depended on it. Nothing will change the fact that no one else will do. No one else.

I’m still hiding myself. 

I keep feeling that I’ll never be who I want to be. I want to have nice things and help people.
I want to look at the stars without wondering when I’ll feel fine living my own life. Isn’t it weird? Sometimes I’m really confused about me…If I’m really living this life, ‘cause sometimes it all seems like a fantasy. A really bad one.
Doors are always being closed right in front of my face. I’m always feeling like something is being stolen, like every single part of my life is a mess, is broken.
And I’m so afraid of the fact that maybe it’ll never be fixed again.
I’m going insane. There’s a storm inside of me. No one ever realized that.
I’m just broken. Fallen on the floor. So lightless. So lost.
The only thing I’m sure about is this emptiness inside of me.
Always here. Always with me.
I’m really alone, ain’t I? 
It’ll never change.
Right?