I just don’t know how to deal with life right now. I miss God and who I used to be when I felt Him by my side, when I knew I was doing things right.
I just don’t know how do things right again, the way my life is right now.
I’m freaking messed up, broken, dirty, lost. I know sometimes people want to help me, but they have no idea who I am right now and how bad things are. I’m just not innocent and I can’t take things easily like before, I’m so screwed up, I’m just…I don’t know.
I can’t easily trust in God, in people, in myself. I can’t trust. I don’t know how to put God into my life again, I don’t know how to make things work. I guess I’m just so used to be wrong, used with this messed up life that I jus’t can’t live in other way. I’m used to tears and pain, and misery. I don’t even know if I have strenght enough to try being happy. I’m hurt, I’m lost, but that’s me.
I’ve waited for God’s help, for Him to come and give me strenght to fight against everything that made me break down everyday, but look who I am right now. I’m nothing. Nothing but a lost futureless girl. I’m useless and helpless, that’s what I am.
But now I miss God. So much. That feeling of certainty, I was so sure that he was taking care of me, taking care of my future. And who I am now? No one. I have no idea how things started falling down like this. No idea at all.