I’m always losing the things that I want. Always. And I learned how to deal with it, on my own way. I just cry alone and do the things I like to distract myself. Everytime something goes wrong, I run.
But can you see? Who I’d like to be running towards to tonight? Can’t you see? It is you. I’d love to have your arms wrapped around me, I’d love to run as far as can and in the end I’d see your eyes, I’d see your open arms, waiting to catch me and to make me forget about all the this that are trying to consume my hopes and strenght.
But honestly, if I could have your arms holding me, what problems could I have?
I just hate myself. I don’t want to sleep, I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts, my incapacity and my lack of strenght.
I grew up, but at the same time I didn’t. At the same time that I was never able to deal with by mistakes by myself, I’ve never had someone by my side helping me, and I had to go all the way alone. And I’m still avoiding to be found. I’m still hiding myself inside of me because I don’t want anyone to see how ugly I am.
And it’s amazingly funny how I can only think how I’d like to have you by my side right now. Do you know those times when you just want one single person holding you , telling you that it’s alright to cry and to be weak, and still loving you even if you can’t just stand on your feet? That’s how I need you right now.
Yes, I am pathetic. Yes, I am alone.
But nothing will change the fact that I’m still longing for your arms around me as my life depended on it. Nothing will change the fact that no one else will do. No one else.
I’m still hiding myself.